Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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