Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
