Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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