WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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