How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
