the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
