I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
