i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
