I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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