I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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