those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
