I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
