i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
