Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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