it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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