That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
