Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
