Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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