I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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