last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
