There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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