Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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