I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
