I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
