im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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