Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
