Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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