OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
