I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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