I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think your dad took our porno
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
