The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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