I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize