I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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