Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
