I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
