I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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