they need to just BURY HIM!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize