Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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