I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
