using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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