Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
