Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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