She's JV to your varsity
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
where are you?
Hypothermia
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
