I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
