Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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