At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
