Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
