Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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