Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
A+ Viking dick
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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