do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
