Porn is love you can see.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
