its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
