you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
