I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
