okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can text with my tongue
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
