Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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