we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
