party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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