I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
