she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
