"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
