you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
