Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
