today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
