Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she told me i tasted like america
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
