she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
