I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
