and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
