its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
