Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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