names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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