I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
