Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
