You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
