I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
