we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
