You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
