how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
